Imagine you are starting a new job? You were trying your best to learn all of the systems, polices, and ways of doing things that are brand new to you. Imagine if most of the feedback you got from your boss was:
“That is not how we do it here.”
“I need you to move a little faster.”
“Why didn’t you CC me on this e-mail?”
“This is not quite right.”
Even if their feedback is valid, if it is only focused on your deficits, you are likely going to start feeling discouraged, defensive, and unmotivated.
Now, imagine that you are a child, and you are also getting a lot of feedback throughout your day.
“Go pick up your shoes.”
“Do your homework.”
“Say thank you.”
“Be quiet.”
“Brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”
We correct and direct kids all day long, and most of these corrections are well-intended. We want them to grow, have manners, and be successful. However, when this correction becomes frequent and constant, kids can start to shut down. Correction Fatigue is just this: when the constant of life is correction and involves feedback that requires change, kids can become defeated, disconnected, and discouraged.
Children and teens are still developing skills (emotional regulation, focus, organization, social skills), and all of it takes time. When every interaction they have with adults feels like a critique or reminder of what they’re doing wrong, their nervous system starts to brace for negativity. Over time, this chips away at their connection to you and to their confidence.
Here are a few tips to consider if you feel like your child might be struggling with correction fatigue:
- Notice the Ratio: How often are you giving your child a command/correcting them versus how often are you acknowledging the positives in them? Ensure that you are praising them, validating them, and telling them you love them just as much (if not more) than you are correcting them.
- Name what is working: It is important to hear the good things just as much as the things that need to be worked on. Acknowledge when you see them doing what they are supposed to be doing: “I noticed that you cleaned off the table without me asking. Thank you.”
- Prioritize corrections: Every single behavior is not worth correcting. Prioritize those things that you would like to see your child correct (like kindness, safety, responsibility) and let go of trying to micromanage every single behavior.
- Get curious instead of judging: Instead of jumping to correction, consider asking calm questions. Instead of saying “Why did you do that? What were you thinking?” Consider saying “Can you help me understand what was going on?” in a calm and loving way. You can follow up with questions related to feelings and thoughts.
- Connect then correct: Connection is one of, if not the most, important part of parenting. Kids need connection to their parents to feel secure in the world. Consider starting with empathy when there is a behavior that needs to be addressed. “I know you had a tough day. Let’s figure this out together.”
Correction isn’t bad but if your child is drowning in criticism and correction, it can impact their mental health. If you feel like your child is struggling with any of these things and would like to work together to help your child, please click here and complete the new client form.